Sprechen Sie Englisch?

I use this phrase a LOT. I know very little German, and I grasp at any opportunity to speak English with the natives. I have embarrassed myself quite thoroughly by making hand gestures that make utterly no sense if you're not in my head. However, yesterday I felt very proud of myself. I accomplished two things that I did not think I would be able to without the aid of my loving husband! I not only went to the doctor, but I also filled my prescription at the local pharmacy (Apotheke).

Luckily, I was able to find a doctor on the US Embassy website that speaks English good. (Sorry, had to be done) Apparently, as a native English speaker, I word things in a different way than he would. I made two or three serious comments to which he responded by laughing. Now, I don't know about you guys, but if you are telling your doctor about your ailments and he laughs....well, that just makes you a little insecure. However, in all the instances, he was laughing at how I said what I said. "I enjoy the way you speak. It is very humorous." Yes, I'm a barrel of laughs, but why would HE find how I speak funny? I mean, English is HIS second language, not MINE! I should be laughing at him and making HIM feel like he has a third nipple or something.

So, I got my prescription and headed to the Apotheke. Jeremy and I have been to this one several times, but I still think it would be a little rude to just walk in and start spouting out English. So, I walked up to the pharmacist, and asked, "Sprechen Sie Englisch?" Well, once again, I was laughed at. He looked at me and said, "I hope I haven't lost the ability since the last time you came in here." Nice. Ok, funny man, I can be funny too. So I said, "Well, you never know what sniffing all those medicinal fumes will do to you." Nothing. I must have made an impression on him last time I came in too because he then said, "Wilson from the United States, yes?" Apparently, I'm making a name for myself in this neighborhood, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not!

All in all, I was still proud of myself. Slowly but surely I am integrating myself into this culture, and every new thing I do successfully (and on my own) helps me feel more at home in this new place. But one of these days, mark my word, I'm going to find out why I'm so stinkin' funny!

Herding People (aka Public Transportation)

Even though Jer and I have a car, we do use the public transportation quite a bit. Especially in situations where there is very little parking or the parking fees are too pricey. Vienna has a huge network of various ways to travel publicly including trams (Strassenbahn), subways (U-bahn), and buses (Autobus).

We have a Strassenbahn stop at the end of our street that we take to the nearest U-bahn station. Jeremy uses the U-bahn everyday to go to work since it spits him out right there at the opera house. You can purchase daily, weekly, and monthly passes. Something interesting is it is based on an honor system. There is no person that checks your ticket as you get on. There is no gate you have to stick your ticket in before it will let you through. You just get on. Occasionally, someone in plain clothes will get up and show their badge and check your ticket, but that has only happened to us about 5 times the entire time we've lived here. Some people we know have never bought a pass in their life and just pay the ticket if they get caught.

The public transportation system is actually quite impressive, and you could easily live in this city and never have a car. In fact, I have frequently gotten the comment, "why do you need a car??" I am going to tell you several reasons why right now:

1. I have found that the Austrians suffer from a rare condition called SAG - also known as Stare And Glare. It is a phenomenon that leaves Vienna expats feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. You will be sitting in your seat (or standing), minding your own business, and you can honestly feel the laser beam of Austrian attention on your skull. You look up and sure enough you are being unabashedly studied. Now, one would think once they are caught, they would look away. NO...this adds a new challenge. I have had guys stare at me unblinking for a whole 20 minute trip...AND women. It's weird and unnerving, and I would be flattered if it wasn't so creepy.

2. It is usually an uncomfortable temperature on all the various transportation modes. In the summer, it is a hot, sweltering, moving oven. Jeremy once said that you could almost taste the B.O. because it was so strong. This is not an exaggeration! Especially when there are about 50 people on one tram, and they are standing up holding onto the little bars above them airing out all that needs to be aired out. Since I am virtually blind AND deaf, my sense of smell is basically my only faculty in working order. It is therefore my "super sense," and it makes Vienna summers on public transportation unbearable. In the winter, it is STILL hot. It is freezing outside, so you wear 30 layers of clothing and a big poofy jacket. You get into a subway packed with people, and you all of sudden become very aware of those 30 layers. And of course, no one opens a window because it's 35 degrees outside. Luckily, my sense of smell is spared in the winter since bodily odors are hidden safely under the 16th layer.

3. At times, all modes of transportation are packed to the brims. I had heard Jer's dad talking about riding on the subway in Japan where there were people who actually had jobs of pushing as many people in the train as possible. Well, they don't do that here, but I have thought about it several times. The other night, I went with Jeremy to a Christmas Market to buy some presents for people. He went on his way to work from there, and I headed home. It was around 5pm, and I knew it would be crowded. I was a little worried because the goods I had bought were very breakable. When I got to the U-bahn, I groaned. There had to be hundreds of people waiting to get on. So, I just sucked it up and followed the crowd in. It is not the most comfortable thing in world having your chest pressed up against a perfect stranger, but what are you gonna do? Some other stranger had there's pressed up against me, so I might as well return the favor! About halfway through the ride, I turned my head slightly to the right and looked down. There next to me was this 4 foot nothing lady struggling to just breathe!! She was so short, she was being suffocated by the mounds of poofy coats! She was standing on her tippy toes with her head looking straight up at the ceiling...I've never seen anything like it in my life. I never would have thought being vertically challenged could endanger your life, but I was wrong! I wanted to pick her up and put her on my shoulders...poor thing. I have also heard from several people that perverts like to use these busy times as groping opportunities since women cannot go anywhere. Lucky this has not happened to me, and I feel sorry for the guy who tries it...I might have to go all Memphis on them!

4. My last reason is that people are simply ruthless when it comes to getting on and off at the stops. They will push you down and walk over you if necessary. The elderly do it as well as the teenagers. I have had my toes completely squashed by walking canes and skateboards alike. I used to just try to stay out of everyone's way and never say anything, but I have completely gotten over that. I now push back AND yell at them in English. Yes, they probably don't know what I'm saying, but my tone and facial expressions get the point across. This is usually followed by a long SAG. One time I actually caught an old lady that was pushed down, and I was the only one who made a move to catch her. She thanked me nonstop in German for the next 10 minutes which goes to show you how out of the ordinary what I did was. However, the pushing CAN make you feel better at the end of a bad day!

Jer & I on a Strassenbahn in the 1st district

All of this said, the public trans is a lifesaver at times and a tremendous help. Occasionally, I think how much better my life would have been in Dallas if I could have just gotten on a subway and not sat in traffic for an hour everyday both ways. But, as everything in life when you come in contact with the general public, it provides you with interesting circumstances. So, please be understanding with us if we come home at Christmas and make you uncomfortable by staring at you after we've pushed you down.....it's just become an old habit now. :o)